Maria isn't perfect and she knows it


We are supposed to devise a piece based on Forced Entretainment and this week we have been working on it.

On Tuesday, we made a list of all of the "conventions" of F.E and we had to choose 3 of them which we particularly liked and wanted to include in our piece. I wanted Brecht and Artaud's influences in our piece but apparently it wasn't such a good choice. On Wednesday, we "played". Yes, we did. When I heard Mr F telling us to go out in the studio and play, I was shocked. I thought" right,as long as we have an idea to begin with this doesn't bother me". But we didn't. We were supposed to come up with EVERYTHING by PLAYING. I am going to be honest since we all have to, I  HATED it. I didn't enjoy it at all, the whole time the others were playing I felt so stupid just sitting there doing nothing. You can't just tell me to go in a room and find ideas to devise a piece with no starting plan!!! If I would have been given a starting plan or idea, for example school (I know it's a stupid example but it was the first thing that came to my mind), THEN I would have been able to pick up ideas, I could have been able to picture some scenes in my head, the characters, and I would have been able to PLAY with the stuff that was in there. But seriously, I don't think the playing is supposed to help you find an idea for devising a pice, you need something behind it so you know where you're going. Otherwise I see it as a waste of time. I wasn't nervous or scared at all if that's what you are all thinking, I just couldn't play. Something was blocking me to have "fun" even though I didn't see that as fun. And don't you dare tell me that it could be that I have never had a good childhood because I was a heck of a child when I was little; children used to be scared of me in the playground because I wanted to play with everything in MY WAY and if they didn't like it I slapped them. No really, I did slap them. That was until I started school, then I started to settle down a bit and became more disciplined. So my childhood has nothing to do with me not being able to play on Wednesday. Georgia told me that she could "see herself" as I was the one sitting there doing nothing. She had imagined her self not being able to play since she needs to see other people doing what she's supposed to do. Although I didn't see "my self" in her when she was playing. I would have been much more wilder and louder than her. I knew deep down this day would come, that one of these days I wouldn't enjoy one of the Theatre topics we would study. Even Richard told me that on Friday, while we were writing down the ideas "we" came up with on Wednesday, and that made me realize it even more. I finally admitted it to my self and I am sharing this with you guys now, so don't you DARE MAKE FUN OF ME ABOUT THIS because it's really hard for me to do! I thought that I would enjoy every topic in Theatre since I am obsessed with it and that I want to be perfect in it but I am going to accept that sometimes I will find it really boring and I will have to try open-minded about it and try to enjoy it, which I am doing right now.

Now it's your turn to share something with me guys!I just did it HA!